thus making me awesome and them whores
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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