Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
