he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
