I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
