I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
smell my finger.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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