i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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