it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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