Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
