The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
