Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
