i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
no you cant smoke seaweed
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
