Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
