as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
