i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
