just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize