first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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