I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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