apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize