I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I want to be your penis for a week.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Randomize
