He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
