Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
