she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
