then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
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