i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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