When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
