While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
