Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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