You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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