theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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