I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Nicole vs. Life
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
