I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
