Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
