____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
