Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
