if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
