You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
