Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
