there's paper in my vomit.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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