Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
