What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
