I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
