I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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