legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize