It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
