so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize