I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
