Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
