just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
