were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
