Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Just puked most of my soul out..
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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