I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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