i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
