is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
