Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
