nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I queefed so loud it echoed.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
