Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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