I got chris browned last night
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
