So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
