Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
