I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize