shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
