I didn't shave. On purpose
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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