if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
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