best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
