sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
