all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
