You just made me feel so damn special
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
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