I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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