It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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