Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize