I want you more than these girls want KFC
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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