I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
