Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
