i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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