my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
